Friday, November 6, 2009

Douchebag of the Day: Nick Swisher



Is there a bigger Tool in Major-League Baseball? Just look at this: here, here, and here. The guy can't seem to decide if he wants to look like the monkey-men from the Geico commercials, A.J. Pierzynski, or a 15-year-old kid.

Oh, and have you ever heard this guy speak? I'll save you the trouble, here's a typical interview with Swisher: "Hey everyone, come see how good I look, come see how awesome I am." To display his brain-power, Swished dropped this gem on an unsuspecting reporter back in his days with Oakland. He said, "Everyone knows an ant, can't, move a rubber tree plant." Don't think about that quote, move on to the next sentence because if you think about it, your brain might literally explode.

Like most of the players I hate, my hatred of Swisher is essentially baseless. A big part of it lies in the fact that he spent a year with the White Sox and I had to listen to his stupid, narcissistic pre-game interviews. Another part of it is that he pretends that he's good at baseball. Look at his career hitting line:

.245 Batting Average
639 Hits
665 Strikeouts (yes, he has struck out more times than he's gotten a hit)
133HRs
437 Rs
406 RBIs
7SBs out of 15 attempts
.818 OPS
Career Postseason Batting Average of .155 in 71 ABs.

**Quick sidenote: Tony Gwynn had 3 times as many plate appearances in his career as Swisher has so far, and he only struck out a total of 439 times.

Basically, Swisher is a mediocre version of Adam Dunn, a guy who has some pop in his bat and that's about it. Swisher is a decent fielder with a career .982 fielding percentage, but seriously, the .245 career average is brutal. How do you stay in the lineup when you get a hit less than 25% of the time and strikeout as much as he has?? I would understand his "look at me" personality if he was a good player, but in reality, he's not. He's had his moments of greatest, most of them coming this past year with the Yankees, but I just don't like the guy.

Stay tuned for more articles in the future. Once (sic) recovers from his championship bender, he's promised a bevy of hard-hitting content.

23 comments:

  1. I just wanted to add that Nick Swisher is awesome.

    That is all.

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  2. SWISHER IS AWESOME!

    AND I BET HE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN THE ENTIRE TWINS ROSTER COMBINED

    LOLOLOLOL

    NO ONE DENIES THIS

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  3. Swisher is an attention craving tool. He's got to point or look up to the sky(to honor his grandmother) Do that shit in private you moron. That guy knows where all the cameras are. He's an actor! He loves it. May someone with a 100mph fastball deliver one to his ribs!

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  4. I LOVE NICK HE IS A AMAZING PLAYER!!! YES WITH THE YANKEES!!! LOVE YOU NICK AND SO DOES THE YANKEE FANS. #33. HE LOVES NY! !! AND NY LOVES HIM!!! YOU ARE SO JEALOUS OF HIM!!! LMAO YANKEE FOR LIFE. YOU ARE ALL HATERS. I GUESS HE GOT THE LAST LAUGH AND SO DID I.

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  5. NY Yankees and its fans are lost in a world of urban make believe. The only thing worse than a near sighted , self absorbed, fat, sausage eating yankee fan is a out of shape, un educated, mentally limited, sausage eating new york sack of shit that moved to florida and compares a shit hole like tampa to his hometown stoop in the ghetto bronx. just deliver our mail, pick up our trash or drive our buses and shut the F up. your tired and ugly.

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    Replies
    1. wow really looks like someone is mad jealous

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  6. Nick Swisher grew the long hair to donate to cancer victims, not to go all "Johnny Damon" on us.

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  7. Ive met him and just to let you fuckers no he is a great person and man. He donated 500,000 dollars back to baseball program for our turf field so you guys dont know shit about him

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  8. Douchebag of the day is the idiot who posted this. NICK SWISHER ROCKS!

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  9. Swish is the man. He has one more WS ring than you'll ever have. Also, he loves the game so much. He knows how lucky he is and is thankful for that everyday.

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  10. I can't agree more with this article. Everyone saying Swisher is "awesome" is clearly either a pole-riding Yankee fan, or Nick Swisher himself. Seriously, the smug, scrunched up face thing he does when he doesn't agree with a strike makes me sick, and he just needs a swift kick to the teeth.

    And in reply to one of the previous comments, though I'm sure the poster will never see this, Swisher donating $500,000 to charity is not an act of kindness, it's part of being a baseball player. All players make donations, as they should with their huge paychecks. Besides, the only thing worse than Nick Swisher getting paid to be an absolute tool is Nick Swisher being able to keep all that tool money.

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  11. Saw the guy blow off an 13 year old for an autograph by pretending to walk over and dip into the dugout ....granderson and jeter were class act really took time to interact with the fans before the game when they didnt have to

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  12. he is a west virginia guy. So that makes him ok in my book.

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  13. Swisher is such a pompous jack-ass. He struts around like a rooster and looks like a total idiot. Hey Swish, you struck out because you suck... Not because the ref blew the call. Don't act like you deserve to be on base. Just walk back to the dugout and shut up, you ignorant, fat-headed, monkey-faced tool.

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    Replies
    1. Baseball doesn't have refs, genius.

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  14. The Adam Dunn comparison was a stretch when this was published in September 2009 because while Dunn was making a run for his 6th consecutive 40 (+) home run season that year (He fell short by two dingers.), Swisher had only reached 30 home runs once in his career. Swisher still has just one 30+ home run season, and it's likely he may never reach that plateau again. His batting average has improved significantly since 2009, and now sits at .256 for his career. The factor which Dunn and Swisher have most in common is an elite OBP. Dunn's OBP is an amazing .130 points above his batting average though he's slipped in this area in the past three years (including 2013), while Swisher's is .105 points higher than his BA.

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  15. Correction: Dunn hasn't slipped significantly in the OBP -- BA differential for the past three years, though his batting average has dropped a lot. However, this year his differential is relatively low so far, .86 as of today.

    2011 -- (BA) .159 (SLG) .292
    2012 -- .204 .333
    2013 -- .160 .246

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  16. the article is ok, never been a fan of swisher because he has always been on the opposing team, especially the yanks, i'm from Texas so i never been a fan of the yanks either, however i dohave to say that some of the most successful hitters in baseball only succeed 30 percent of the time, many many hitters in baseball only succeed 25 percent of the time and have long careers doing it, i do have to say that having more K's than hits doesn't help your cause, but it sounds like most of your beef is with the man and not the baseball player, if that's the case then state his inadequacies as a man and not a player.

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  17. It takes a certain level of awareness to be annoyed by Nick Swisher. The guy's egocentric and likes attracting attention to himself. When he was with my team the A's, I felt embarrassed. He just gave off this image that the A's were bush league. Now that he's on another team, I can just despise the guy. He truly is a tool.

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  18. Have to change channels when he comes on. There are many reasons certain players change teams often. In his case, its probably because his team can't stand him either... and he is a below average major leaguer.

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